And now, a message from Ned:
"So folks, you know that I withdrew my name from the race for President and endorsed candidate GlitterRock instead. And, by now, you know that GlitterRock was unsuccessful in his bid for President. I still say it was fixed! FIXED, I tell ya! *ahem* Right. Well, there's always 2008. Until then, let's re-live my 2004 campaign, because really, what else have you got to do?
No need to explain this, except to ask you to overlook the fact that I forgot
that I had
named him "Dumass" when this whole thing started.
 MoldLangSyne: "...and eliminate one of the Dakotas and one of the Carolinas. What's with all this North AND South business, anyway? And that's why I need your vote for President in 2004!" |
 MoldLangSyne: "I mean, come on! Besides, 'Da-ko-ta'? More like 'DER-ko-ta', if you ask me. Vote Dumass in oh-four!" |
 new_years_gleeb: ...and that's why Canada is the greatest threat to our freedoms today. Elect me, and I'll set the poutine-eating freaks running. |
Dante83: "Er umm... sorry, I got distracted there for a second. None of you could see that, right? Anyway... um, about my campaign..." |
 MoldLangSyne: "It has come to my attention that there apparently is a 'West Virginia' in addition to regular Virginia. Well, West Virginia's gone too, if you elect me!" *Paid for by People Against West Virginia* |
 new_years_gleeb: And what the Hell is up with Rhode Island? A state you can spit across? Roll it into Connecticut, I say! |
 new_years_gleeb: ...and we now know that Wyoming is in fact a fraud perpetrated by the Mapmaking Cartel. |
 MoldLangSyne: "By the way, what's with all these 'New' states? You know, New York, New Hampshire, New Mexico -- what was wrong with the old ones?!?! Vote Fleener in 2004!" |
 Dante83: "Well, I've been to this 'NEW' Mexico, and frankly I don't see much of a difference." |
 new_years_gleeb: And if Oklahoma isn't run by drug dealers, why's it shaped like a "pot"? Hmmm? |
 MoldLangSyne: "Then there's Kansas. I just plain don't like Kansas. And you won't have to, either, if you elect me as this nation's next leader!" |
 MoldLangSyne: "Obscenity leads to Godliness! I'll eat my hat if it doesn't!" *Paid for by Citizens for Decent Literature for Fleener* |
 MoldLangSyne: Presidential Candidate Ned Fleener read to 2nd graders at Lincoln Elementary, earlier today. "...to lick your body from head to toe, caress your silky skin, quench the fire in your loins..." |
 new_years_gleeb: My fellow Americans, consider Florida, dangling off the continent like a big penis! Zip it up, says I! |
 shanky: "And what's with Ohio? It's a 4 letter word , but it has THREE syllables? Not under my rule!" |
 MoldLangSyne: "Hi! It's me again, your old pal, Ned Fleener, reminding you that Iowa stands for Idiots Out Wandering Around. Do we want that in this country? I submit that we do not! Vote Fleener!" |
 new_years_gleeb: Don't think I've forgotten Hawaii. What's wrong, too good to be connected to our continent, Kino? |
 Dante83: "And what's with all the P's and S's and I's in Mississippi. If I'm elected, it will be spelled the way it is pronounced 'MISIPI' |
 MoldLangSyne: "Alabama. Need I say more?" |
 new_years_gleeb: And why isn't Michigan contiguous. Something fishy going on there. When elected, I'll investigate! |
 new_years_gleeb: And where does Washington get off having a damn rain forest? In a temperate zone! Commie freaks! |
 MoldLangSyne: "And furthermore, Oregon? Ore-GONE, when I'm President!" |
 MoldLangSyne: "Missouri, Missourah...tomato, tomahto, let's call your whole state off!" |
 new_years_gleeb: "On Wisconsin" Ever notice they never tell you on WHAT! |
 MoldLangSyne: "And Alaska? Alaska to get the hell out of my country, that's what I'll do!" |
 new_years_gleeb: Condemn Damned Louisiana. |
 new_years_gleeb: Colorado, you can be a mountain state or a plains state. Pick one! |
 MoldLangSyne: "Oh, and as for you, Vermont and Hampshire -- yes, I said Hampshire. You know my stance on calling it 'new' -- I'm combining the 2 of you into one state and calling it Fleeneramavilleberg." |
 |
 Dante83: "And I mean Vermont and Wisconsin are practically the same thing anyway, so one of them is getting the boot." |
*Paid for by Citizens for a F*cked Up America, Dip Numbnuts, Treasurer.*
