Just an average Tuesday at Moldy's house. I mean... I... I've said too much...

Ummm... excuse me, Captain, but by your leave, sir... I wet 'em.

Welcome to Hell....here's your accordian.

"All right, we agree; we'll trade our Glen Manning for your jerk with the 'kick-me' sign on his back."
"...It's a fair cop."

"Hell's bells I hate this ritual!"
"I know, sir, but it lifts the spirits of the men."
"If this one filled his diapers like the last one did I'm throwing him off the poop deck with an anchor tied around his neck!"
"I understand, sir."

"This is the *new* Navy, Admiral! Drop all the soap you like! MuWAH-Ha-ha-ha-haaaaaa!"

So, who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

History students--have you always been puzzled as to how America won the Battle of Midway only six months after the destruction of the Pacific fleet at Pearl Harbor? Well, in this recently declassified photo, Admiral Halsey thanks King Poseidon for his uncredited ....

The original video for Justin Timberlake's "Sexy Back" video was rejected, and rightfully so, by MTV.

In order to save money again, the US Navy decided that Ensign Hornball (the least popular seaman) would once again be the official "microphone stand" for the annual Navy costume contest/freak orgy.

Well, Tailhook is just boring if you can't haze the chicks.

"Okay, the Thanksgiving show was great, I'll give you that... but this New Year's show is WAY over the top! Who's responsible?" "Well, Sir... Ever since Nellie Forbush left to marry that Frenchman, we just haven't had good writing."

Not many people are aware of that other branch of vaguely military style charity, the Salvation Navy. With good reason.

Not the F**king Village People again.

Men, I think I should explain the "Don't Tell" part of our policy...

"Ah, the good old days, when men were men...and on long sea voyages, occasionally women too!"

Don't ask. Don't tell. Don't even wanna KNOW.

I'll admit they're a motley crew, Admiral, but they're top notch sailors, and all of them give hearty Arrrrgggs.

Life at sea was sometimes harsh, but Fred was cheerful, because sometimes he could wear diapers openly.

If you thought the KISS Army was wild, wait until you get a load of the KISS Navy!

"The one on the left is obviously pregnant, so this MUST be a shotgun wedding!"

This is the last time I hold a Halloween party at the Old Timers baseball game.

"Sorry Gentlemen, you're all too white, can't play instruments, and aren't funky enough to be a Parliament/Funkadelic cover band." "Awwwww." "Good costumes, though."

Mr. Shatner has asked that there be no flash photography and no requests to autograph genitalia of any kind.

Everybody sing: Hey! It's the Undersea Kingdom! For you and for me and it's FUN!!!

"The men sure do get excited whenever Secretary Rumsfeld pays a visit."

"Sure, you can take the giant baby man... but you'll have to double the number of hookers and add another two cases of whiskey to seal the deal!"

The first version of the Village People didn't quite take off!

According to recently declassified naval documents, the U.S.S. Brooklyn was the first ship ever to return from the Bermuda Triangle. What her crew discovered there both baffled and amazed navy intelligence.

The triumphant finale of Ed Wood's magnum opus, "Plan 10 To Pry King Bidgood From The Bathtub."

"I now pronounce you King Neptune and Giant Baby. You may now... get the hell off my boat."

"The Insider" has obtained exclusive photos of Tom & Katie's introduction ceremony for Baby Suri, held recently at the Beverly Hills Scientology Centre...

The Arcane Mutiny: Queeg For A Day

"Admiral Halsey pooping on deck, Sir!"

"Nobody's taking command away from me again! I may have a vasectomized tow rope, but my balls are steel. 'Tis a new year in Her Majesty's secret service as we search box office depths for Poseidon. But first we need fruit to top our general Custard. Sergeant Pepper, set course for strawberry fields ... FOREVER!"

(Captain speaking) "OK everyone, thank you all for your patience. We know it's been a long hard audition and we appreciate everyone's understanding. We have made our decision. Now, just because you weren't selected doesn't mean that you're not fine performers it's just that we felt that you wouldn't fit in with the ensamble. We are going for a definate 'look and feel' for our recruiting team which just says 'Navy'. The performers that will be joining us are as follows: the Indian, the construction worker, the leather guy with the moustache, the police officer and the cowboy. Everyone else, thank you for coming and good luck in your future."