WILL CAP FOR FOOD #221


Agent_Moldy:
Richard Nixon didn't mind having to do all the packing work for the time capsule. But not letting him keep the bikini for himself? That...well that just crossed the line.
Scypha:
Scientists had hit a snag in preparing the 50-foot woman's tampon when they realized they didn't have enough cotton and rope.
suggs:
Cotton candy... OF THE FUTURE!!!


Mr_Grant:
And wait until you see the size of the Midol.
Lanzman:
Technicians prepare the first prototype for Rosie O'Donnell's new line of sex toys.
DiscoBoy:
"I hear that there's some new thing called a 'transisitor' that will replace vaccuum tubes and eventually make these dildoes small enough to fit on a desktop."

"That's preposterous! Science fiction drivel! Nothing that small could have the pleasuring power of our room-sized Univac 6000!"


BlueOnBlack:
Meanwhile, at Paris Hilton's gynecologist's office...
Steve_Reeves:
Mythbusters - The Early Years, tonight on YSMT. Watch as Jamie and Adam's fathers make a rocket out of sourdough bread, an old downspout, and a street lamp just like Galileo supposedly did!
wd40:
"Now if we can just fit this amount of filling into a sponge cake, we could rule the world!"


Daleman:
“Well, that’s all of Bill and Hillary Clinton’s morals. See, plenty of room for the Bush’s ethics in there as well.”
Generik:
When Rush Limbaugh died, no one was very shocked at the autopsy report about the varied contents of his stomach. The contents of his anus, however, was a bit of a surprise...
cambria36:
Bank of America executives intent on finding ways to speed up drive-through banking, developed a much faster and larger deposit cylinder than ever before imaginable; however, the companion pencil failed to fit, so the project was folded.


starkbalmy:
Early versions of the Ampletampon included Bluetooth technology and a primitive MP3 player.
UnReality:
"Quick, pull out, you fool! I don't want to get pregnant!"
FryGirl:
After completing FryGirl's vibrator, work begins on her tampon. First things first.


Racerex:
"At the Metcalfe Suppository Emporium, we specialize in suppositories for the large and plus-sized individual. Please visit our website and read testimonials from some of our satisfied celebrity customers, including Louie Anderson, Camryn Manheim, Rosie O'Donnell, Horatio Sanz and the late, great Orson Wells."
devildoll:
"Initial tampon insertion successful. Missile on standby and ready for scheduled entry and discharge in five to seven days."
FLAMINGSQUIRREL23:
"Even with this much DNA, it still may be unclear who is the father of Anna Nicole's baby."


ArtMystery:
The Cold War plan to bombard Iron Curtain countries with cheap pens and lighters, lipstick and make-up supplies, American rock 'n' roll records, itsy-bitsy teeny-weeny yellow polka dot bikinis and a healthy supply of cotton candy eventually ran afoul of international treaties barring the use of torture, not to mention freshness-dating.
flavio:
Step it up Ferguson, Mr. McMahon wants this giant Paper Mate pen ready to sign the colossal checks for the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes, chop chop!
Kota:
"Yes, trying to come up with a tampon for Roseanne was quite a chore... but just think of the alternative!!!"


Nyssa23:
"My God, Bob! Do you know what this means? Amplewoman... is PREGNANT!"
JurassicPork:
Lilliputian scientists work feverishly to keep Tootisie Rolls from sticking to the paper.
Zee:
...And research continues around the clock on the atomic-powered party bong.


nastinkers:
Giant Q-tip factory.
gleeb:
"We gotta simplify our S&M ritual, Earl."
WEIRD_1:
Tampax invents the elephant tampon.


ArchHallJr:
"Have we got a suppository for you, Ivan."
Beedo:
paring to administer The Amazing Colossal Suppository.
IMissMST3K:
"Yes, I believe Madonna will be thrilled with our new Tampon design!"


MessiahBlue:
While useless as a rocket, their invention proved to be wonderful as a dildo and tampon for the 70 foot woman!
joe678:
"Guncotton." "Check." "Japanese transistor radio." "Check." "Guide to nothing in particular." "Check." "45 of 'Double Barrel' by Dave and Ansel Collins." "Check." "Pot lid, no pot." "Check." "Swiss Army knife." "Check." "Souvenir scarf of the Eiffel Tower." "Uh...I borrowed that last night. Sorry. I'll buy you another one." "Never mind." "How many girls even visit this damn lab anyway? And why are we burying this stuff in a Scud missile?" "I said never mind. Prevert."
Jacksinn:
"Dang it, Stan, get Snowball outta there, and quit foolin' around! This is SCIENCE, not Fun With Your Pet time!"


questor:
Early experiments in cotton candy cloning.
nashtbrutusandshort:
"So your plan is to fill it with the contents of your junk drawer, some Chuck Berry 45s, and a gallon or so of (ahem) your genetic material, and shoot it toward the Andromeda Galaxy?"

"Exactly."

"And Dr. Von Braun is involved how?"

"He... um... chipped in on the genetic material."

"I see."
JoeCrow:
So instead of vibrating, it plays old Buddy Holly records?


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