The Carmen Miranda Ramsey hat is best served cold, with just a smidgen of Crown Rib Roast hat, and there's no better way to follow it up than with a nice, big slice of mile-high pie! And, as an added bonus, any of the sticks holding it together can be used as a shiv when you need to take care of those pesky relatives who just won't leave. It's a good thing. Bitch.

New from FTD, The Happy Colonoscopy Bouquet.

"In other news tonight, the first official visit by an ambassador from another planet to our world ended tragically when said ambassador was mistaken for the hors d'ouevres and eaten."

"My Festive Recipes and Holiday Centerpieces" by Maureen Dowd

The aliens from Theta Omicron IV knew that they could never take the Earth by force of arms. But by guile . . . oh, yes, by guile they would have the prize.

Generik always shops at Whole Foods for the finest party trays when celebrating the birthdays of friends and family.... but not this time. Sorry camus. You get Circle K.

Food acupuncture? Vegans insist on it.

Bob's House of Bob features all sorts of new and exciting recipes for animal parts that most people won't even mention, much less eat!

Under the new expansionist regime, the Vienna Sausages quickly colonized all the best bits of the salad. Not to be outdone, the Dwarf Carrots planted their flags on whatever was left. The stage was set for the final showdown between Meat and Veg.

Ted was embarrassed enough when he thought they were hors d'oeuvres. But when he learned it was actually the hostess' hat...

Bad enough that she slaughtered nearly the entire population of Munchkins in and around the Emerald City, but when the Wicked Witch of the West served up their genitals in something she called her "Victory Hors D'oeuvre," well, the residents of Oz knew that she'd gone just a little too far.

"Holiday favorite: Dicks-on-sticks."

Chef Bobby Flay is really going for the presentation points on this hotdog dish, back to you Alton Brown.

The real reason the Wicked Witch of the East was in Munchkin Land: She owns a chain of Big Boys and was cultivating ingredients for her Munchkin Weenie Cabbage Platter.

Remember in the 70's when we were all caught up in that vegetable arranging fad that Bob started?

Turn your dull fingers into Finger Feast! Remember, it's not really cannibalism without Bob's Bleu Cheese!

Bob's Not-So-Big Boys.

Alexander Calder isn't even trying any more.

"Honey, try some of this." "Does it taste like chicken?" "Of course not, silly. It tastes like porcupine."

I absolutely refuse to make a turd-ka-bob cap about this.

"That's the LAST time we ask Michael Jackson to design a centerpiece!!!"

In Rosie O'Donnell's house, EVERYTHING is made out of food...

Hors d'oeuvres by Pinhead.

"Hi, I'm Ed Herlihy! Give your holidays a festive touch with Klack brand Teeny Greenie Weenies (on a steeck), made with 65% post-consumer recycled meat by-product food product stuff! Add an authentic Oriental touch by applying Klack's Big Bob's Big Boy Bukkake Sauce... What? It's for the veggies?!? Who wrote this copy? I'm outta here!" *click* "And now back to our holiday classic, 'The Horrifying Blood-Sucking Vampire Monkeys from Jedburg, SC,' starring Shannon Tweed and Toadstool Phoenix!"

.oO(Oh. My. GOD. I *knew* it was a bad idea to accept Bjork's Christmas dinner invitation...)

I am deeply offended by this display. Imagine serving this dish with Bleu Cheese when it clearly calls for Ranch.

(Webmaster's note: The following is a joke that buckaroobaby came across. She thought it would make an appropriate caption for this week's photo. I tend to agree.)

A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill comes flying out of it onto the pavement. Noticing this, a policeman stops her. "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag," he says.

"Damn!" says the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!"

"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money? Did you steal it?"

"Oh, no," says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard backs up to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds! So I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I say: $20 or off it comes!"

"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "OK, good luck! By the way, what's in the other bag?"

"Well," says the little old lady, "not all of them pay up..."