Kids just *love* the new Casper Wayne Gacy ride at the local arcade!

From our, "Where Are They Now" file. The one time spokeperson for Bubble Yum Bubble Gum, Yombo. Now owns a chain of Aladdin Castles arcades in central Ohio. He still goes out to kid birthday parties & is active in the local Lions Club.

Inexplicably, Courtney Love has been selected as the new model for the official French symbol, the "Marianne" bust..

The REAL Mr Squishy… on A&E

Mr. Burn's Wild Ride opened today at Disney Sri Lanka....

Run, run, run, as fast as you can. You can't catch me, I'm the heroin flashback inspired Gingerbreadman.

Yeah, I thought this was some kid's deal in Chuck-E-Cheese at first too, but turns out it's in the basement of the Bunny Ranch. You have to pay extra to use this room. Then of course the cost of lube and towels is on top of that. Still, I hear it's pretty popular.

"'Ello, children! Spotted Dick 'ere to say, 'It's *girth* what matters!'"

Inside George Bush's Brain. Tonight on Fox!

We meet again Moriority, and this time it's not fun and games!

Combining the good-natured joviality of a Carrot-Top sans hair with the raw sexuality of a greased-up Dom Deluise, the new WHAT THE F*CK WERE WE THINKING Doll is sure to be Number 1 on every woman's Christmas wish list. (Now: Ribbed For Her Pleasure!)

"Ho ho ho! Come on kids, grab my handle and go for a ride. Oh yes, that's *so* good! Go ask your mommy for more quarters. Please go quickly, I go on break in 20 minutes."

"Ride me! Ride me!!" Inside Barbara's head, she could hear the blobby figure screaming, calling out to her. "Riiiide MEEEEEEEE!!!" She wanted to ride, wanted it in the worst way, if only to silence the screaming voice in her head, but alas, the amusement cost 50 English pennies, and Barbara only had tuppence.

"Well, I was gonna get liposuction, but then I realized a motorized scooter was much cheaper. Besides, once you have lipo you can get fat again, but once you have a scooter, you'll always have a scooter. Anybody got a Mallomar? Maybe a donut or two?"

By using a more affordable class of male model, the board of directors hopes to maximize profits on the 2006 Chippendale's calendar ($1.97 at Wal-Mart).

Last year's winner, who won a year's supply of Bazooka bubble gum.

"For Crissakes, Elmo! Put Mr. Noodle away and put your FUR back on!"

Kinda sucks all the drama and romance out of the King Arthur/Excalibur tale, doesn't it?

For all its horrifying banality, this is still one of Jeff Koons' most successful works. And it's not nearly as scary as the Michael Jackson and Bubbles piece.

A look inside the mind of WEIRD_1 finds a rare peek at one of the reasons why he is so bent and twisted.

"Come ride me, little children! Heh, heh, heeeeeh!"

"'Mr. Happy's Wild Ride,' recently voted Worst Virtual Reality Game Ever."

Ever since the Li'l Abner strip died with Al Capp, the Shmoos have had a rough time of it. This fellow here is one of the very few who's currently gainfully employed.

So, THAT'S the poor bastard our parents warned us about when they said, "Don't eat all those Twinkies, you'll turn into one!"

Tucker Carlson has really not aged well ever since Jon Stewart put the smackdown on him on his own show.

...sometime during the night, Penicchio's wish to become a real little boy, magically came true! So, he left Gepetto's pants and headed for the big city...

"See you in your nightmares, kids!"

Giant booger ride, a la Pee-Wee Herman.

Great. Generik goes to Europe. Tours a continent of ancient history, great culture, and marvels galore. And what image does he present us with as a memento? A Mr. Blobby coin-operated ride from a dodgy arcade. Next time, mister, you and I are getting bombed on mead.

"Why, sure I'd like to write a column for the National Review."

"Hey, kids! New from Ronco! Be the first on your block to own a John Wayne Gacy Blow-Up Doll! See how he hugs the handlebars close into his crotch for firmer control? See the big smile on his face? See the tear of joy? Let J.W. be YOUR friend! He's HARMLESS! And who doesn't love a friendly clown? Be the life of the party! Be the most popular kid you know! Let J.W. into YOUR house NOW! He even does magic tricks! Like making the kids you don't like disappear! Buy one now!!! Let J.W. be your bestest friend!!! He's huggable! (shovel and lime sold separately)."

"I always knew Satan's Penis would wind up a greeter at Chucky Cheese's."